Old Man Syndrome

In the last while, it has become more prevalent in my awareness, that as people get 'older', many things happen, and or are taken for granted, as a normal part of life. 

Being a member of a number of men’s circles, it’s clear to me that societal norm is that as we age, things can get more difficult, and aging is something to be fought off at all cost, rather than embraced and celebrated.

There is some truth in this, and there is also bulls**t in most of it. We are all different, so how can one norm fit all. Are we products of the environment we find ourselves in, blindly accepting what society expects of us at 'our age'?

So it got me thinking about OLD MAN SYNDROME (OMS). Is that a real thing, or folk lore? So I googled it:

"Old man syndrome" isn't a formal medical diagnosis but a colloquial term for various age-related changes, often manifesting as grumpiness, irritability, or emotional shifts due to factors like declining testosterone (andropause/late-onset hypogonadism), physical ailments, loneliness, chronic pain, mental health issues (depression, anxiety), loss of purpose, or grief from life changes, all leading to a sense of reduced relevance or vitality. It's a mix of hormonal, psychological, and social factors”

Common Causes & Factors

Hormonal Changes (Andropause):

Gradual testosterone decline (late-onset hypogonadism) can affect mood, energy, and libido, leading to depression or irritability.

Physical Ailments:

Chronic pain, hearing / vision loss, fatigue, and other age-related health issues can worsen mood.

Mental Health:

Unaddressed depression, anxiety, or stress can present as anger or grumpiness.

Social & Emotional Losses:

Retirement, loss of social status, loneliness, empty nest syndrome, or grief over lost youth and relevance can trigger these feelings.

Grief:

It can be a form of grief for lost youth, strength, and purpose, a protest against feeling side-lined by society. “

When I return to where I was raised, this is prevalent. I remember driving down the street and seeing this 'old man' hobbling down the street, on his way to the pub at lunch. “Shit, is he still alive I thought? He must be well over 100 years old now, as he was in his 70’s when I was a lad.” 

What a shocker to find it wasn’t who I thought it was, it was his grandson, who I went to school with!

WTF?

He was sadly just waiting out his years, following his norm and reference points. Was his body a mess due to age, or due to environmental and cultural factors?

If what google says is to be true, I can understand it. Where he lives, these causations are prevalent. It really shook me, for many reasons. Not because I am superman, nor immune to the environment, but it’s clear that as my number of journeys around the sun increase in number, things may need to change up, in order for me to thrive, not merely survive.

My motto is

“to live as well as I can for as long as i can”

so I will do all I can to make that happen.

Another favourite is:

“to die young, as old as possible”

When discussing this with other guys, there does seem to be some worrying practices emerging, some of which I am also guilty of too. Things like:

• trying to behave like we are still 18.
• not listening to our bodies, forcing it into things it is no longer optimised to do.
• trying to kill the issue, whilst only in reality killing ourselves.

Ask yourself - Why is Testosterone Replacement Therapy so popular all of a sudden? Why are men turning to unproven science products (Peptides, SARMS etc) in the hope of eternal youth? Why is masters level sport now ultra-competitive? Why use botox and plastic surgery rather than embracing that Clint Eastwood wisened (is that short hand for “wise-end” )look. Why is the golf course one of the most dangerous places a man can go to? And and and

Men (I include myself in many of these energies, if not behaviours) long for the glory days. How many old footie or rugby stories do we relive with our peers? How many “I could have been if ...” excuses do we run as reasoning for behaviour now? How many trinkets do we buy ourselves trying to substitute what we no longer have with something shinny and new?

No judgement here - I still personally think and see the world through the eyes of my 18 year old self, and I don’t see anything amiss with that, so long as it’s not harmful in me doing daft stuff.

Does this energy come from lack? From regret, or from fear of the unknown, something unfamiliar and scary. From the loss of old self, and not being willing to trust and celebrate the new self?

How many of us have grandparents or parents who kicked and screamed when 'put' in a nursing home, only to find it’s some of the best years of life?

Is it the fear of missing out (FOMO) whilst actually missing out on amazing things that await us by clinging to the old which no longer serves us or is possible?

To say I have been shaken by this is a huge understatement. It’s been a cause of depression for a while now. What if I cannot take care of my business, body, mentality and so on? What if my world changes such that I don’t recognise it and cannot function in it? What if what if what if ……. driving me insane with worry.

All the while, the only certainty, we cannot halt is Father Time, and death awaits us.

That famous saying “some people die in their 40’s, and are buried in their 80’s” rings true.

Why is it many people diagnosed with terminal illnesses start to live life fully until they don’t? Why do they seem to kick off the fear of death, to celebrate their remaining time here? I saw that personally with my own mum - drinking champagne daily and embracing her love of life until the very end. In essence, we are all terminally ill, we just haven’t got the formal exit date yet (thankfully)

As my wife (huge inspiration and support for me) says:

“it’s better to live every day as your last, because you never know when it could be.”

And she embraces that with full integrity of being, saying:

Why worry about what we cannot do as we did? What if we focused all our energy on what we can do, and do it, rather than focus on lack?

Energy follows thought, and we create what we focus on. 

Recently I took huge inspiration from Mark Omrod MBE, Royal Marines Veteran, triple amputee, and REORG BJJ Trustee. He doesn’t focus on what he lost, he focuses on what he has still, and uses it to full advantage, Many many people in the Veteran community inspire this energy too.

Why do I worry that my shoulders ache, my knees too, or that it takes a moment in the morning to stretch out the joints, when people like Mark are out there killing it.

It's better focus on what you can do and be, rather than what you cannot.

Energy does follow thought. No doubt Mark must have his days, but even more is his mind set to not be beaten.

My dear friend Will Burrnett is the same. His film “Unbreakable Will” is a must watch. If there is ever someone who inspires me that mind set matters, it's Will. I just need to remember that and practice it daily, moment to moment.

So as I write this, as much as a note to self as anything, I realise, the following:

1. I have lived a great life up untul now, and that is just prep for the great things I am yet to create.
2. All I didn’t do until now, doesn’t mean I cannot do even greater things moving forward.
3. The “difficulties” I have faced have all forged the “me I see” daily, and that should be celebrated.
4. We all slip up - it’s not the slip that’s key, it’s the how you get up that matters.
5. Life is a death sentence waiting to happen, you cannot stop it, only hasten it. If we don’t know for sure what follows, if anything, why waste a single moment of this life?
6. Regret and reminiscing is stuck energy. As one of my favourite anthems (Flower of Scotland) says “those days are gone now, and in the past, they must remain, but we can still rise now”. It’s just a choice. Look back and be stuck or look forward and create a new.

These words are stuck to my gym wall.

There are other bits to work on as well, that help all of the above to move forward.

In terms of the solutions I am working on (as it’s a daily practice) I split then into various categories:

Hormonal

That we age is a given, how we age is a choice. It is primarily a mind set thing, but there are physical aspects too.

Does testosterone decline as we age, and or, are other factors at play? Yes and Yes

Does chronic stress play a role – Yes for sure. 

Does daily toxicity harm hormones - 100%

Will adding in external hormones solve the issues or plaster over the fault lines? It won’t solve the root causation of the problem, and the human body is very adapt at removing things it cannot use at that moment.

Do we want quick fixes (seems to be societal norms) or long term healthy solutions? Are we willing to make the changes required?

There is hope - Testosterone doesn’t need to decline. Receptor sites for hormones don’t need to be blocked with toxins.

Stress hormone doesn’t need to be present constantly. And it is possible to stimulate repair and recovery in the body, without pharmaceuticals.

Mental

Depression and anxiety, all part of daily life. But does it have to be? How about incorporating some relaxation time in daily life?

Meditation, a walk in nature, a swim in the sea, an ice bath or sauna.

Some 'me' time, without having guilt of doing it.

Physical 

A double edged sword for me. I love to lift heavy and often, but how do I train now vs when I was 18?

Is it helpful to ache for days, or jump into something new without a work up to it and prep.

Can I still squat 6 plates a side? What for? (I still can by the way!)

I heard a sad story recently about two guys in their mid 40”s, who were once elite in physical prowess. Father Time had taken its toll, and they decided to start to train again. Sadly, no work up, just straight into the good ol' days how they used to do it. The sadness is both died, one permanently, once revived. Their body wasn’t ready to go where their minds wanted. I can relate to this, hence the shock for me. There but for the grace of god. A lesson to me - how many times do I do daft stuff, thinking I am invincible, only to hurt myself?

Exercise is good, just do it sensibly and work up to things. As a great friend, and world class athlete reminds me “at our age, we should train to stimulate the muscle, not annihilate the body” Great advice from someone who knows.

As an aside, I am stronger now than ever, but my joints are a lot more worn. So warm up, stretch and listen to the body, and it will help you get over the OMS

Social 

A biggie for many (me included).

People who held positions of title, or importance, who suddenly retire and have no identity. I remember going from a part-owner of a highly successful Accountancy Practice, where everyone in the area knew me, to a simple employee. That loss of status and identity took time to process.

People who suddenly lose purpose, status and the like, having to come to terms with 'normal life'. Sports stars who retire, for instance, how many fall into depression and despair?

Why do a lot of men die soon after retirement? The loss of connection, purpose and role maybe. Boredom perhaps.

But all is not lost. Gym membership, clubs and societies, family, travel are all ways to create new social connections, and replace those former ones. I know it took me a while, but I have even more connections now than before, it just takes time and commitment to self. And it goes without saying, The STAIT community is always here for anyone who wishes to come in and belong.

Grief

As above with social, there can also be grief at the lost possibilities life is reminding us of. That loss of job, the loss of youth, loss of close relationships and and and. Do we focus on lack or creation of new?

Personally the grief is a big one for me, something I am working through. The loss of a life lived long, the thought of 'not being able to do x, y or z'. However, my therapist guides me to see the blank sheet of paper waiting for my new ideas, the new creations that can come through, and that the grief is only my lack of self-belief manifesting into reality.

There is the famous quote by Marion Williamson:

“our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure”

What if we can turn the energy of grief, of loss, of lack, into power of creation? Hard to do, but if we don’t try, then it’s impossible. And remember, Impossible really spells out I’m possible.

A dear friend reminds me often of the 'power of letting go'. His phrase is something like, a new train cannot enter the station until the old one has left.

It takes courage to let go, because do we truly trust ourselves? For me, that’s a big one. Do I trust my own capability to create even more? My wife says I am a master creator – she doesn’t lie, but do I believe her? That’s all work in progress for me.

So as I end this note to self, I am reminded that “I am capable of creating any life I wish to do, so it's best I choose wisely.” 

Quantum physics is now proving the old saying of like attracts like, If you don’t like what you see in front of you, change it. To say this one really raises my blood pressure is an understatement – but sometimes truth is hard to swallow.

Final point

Remember, doing the right thing isn’t always easy, but it’s always right. So when considering if OMS applies to you, remember, its just a choice for you, and there are other choices possible.

As Samantha says to me when I moan on ... “you must like it on some level, or you would change it!” the annoying thing is, SHE IS RIGHT.